banishment winded: Five Success Tips for Step-Families

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Five Success Tips for Step-Families

Step-families are not a new phenomenon, but they are getting more common these days. And there is no doubt that step-families present some challenges. While there are no perfect formulas or guarantees for success, there are some things you can do to up your chances at success. Here are five success tips for step-families.

1. Be Patient

If your new spouse or partner doesn?t immediately love your kids like they love their own, don?t despair. It?s pretty hard to love someone instantly! Building loving relationships takes time. Your partner doesn?t have the history with your kids that you do. And if you?re on the other end of things ? trying to build a relationship with your step-children ? then you?ll also need some patience. They just may not respond right away ? love isn?t like a light-switch.

2. Be Realistic

All step-families can?t be the Brady Bunch. It pays to be realistic about the step-family relationships. Holding on to a fantasy about how it?s supposed to be can lock you into a critical mindset, or keep you from appreciating what you do have because you have unrealistic expectations. The reality is, experts remind us, that your step-children may not respond the way you hoped or imagined they will (or think they should).

3. Respect Biological Relationships

Whether you like the biological parent of your step-kids isn?t really the point. The fact is, the biological parent is loved by your step-kids, and unless he or she is abusive or dangerous, it?s good to respect and foster that relationship between your step-kids and their biological parents.

4. Discuss Parenting Styles

Before you get married or move in together as step-parents, make sure you agree on parenting style. This may involve compromise on your part or your partner?s, but it?s important to present a united front. Otherwise, your step-kids (and biological kids) may get confused, and learn to pit one of you against the other.

5. Try to Keep It Equal

This can be tricky, especially when the biological parent ?spoils? your step-kids and you don?t do the same for your kids. What can you do if your step-daughter comes home after visiting with her mom, and she?s carrying all kinds of new toys? What about your son getting that trip to an amusement park while he visits with his dad?

While you can?t control what happens during visitation, you can set rules in your own home. You might try setting a rule that toys and gifts stay at the home of the giver. And in your own home, you can make sure that all your kids ? biological and step ? are subject to the same rules and privileges.